I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
