no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
