see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
