he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
