If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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