i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
