You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
