I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
