i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am naked and annoyed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
