I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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