I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
