If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
