He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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