i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
