I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
