Can i not drive my cunt home
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
