She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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