i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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