I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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