ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
