it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
