I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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