On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
