"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
