Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What drink are we having for lunch?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
50% drunk capacity currently
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
