Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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