Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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