Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize