That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
