Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize