he thought i was a dude.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
