Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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