check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize