i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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