he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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