so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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