The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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