ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize