Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
