she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize