I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize