You can't motorboat a personality
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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