I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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