how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
