just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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