apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize