Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
