i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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