His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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