It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
