what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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