Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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