don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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