I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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