and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
