His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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