That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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