i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
