Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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