her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
