im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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