I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
