And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
