i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
even my farts smell like vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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