sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
