Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
