What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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