Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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