im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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