Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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