i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
