Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
