Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
