You're my little dorito
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize